House Mix

Category Archives: Kids

Are you speaking your family’s love language?

What does your spouse do that fills your heart to the brim? What do you do that makes your child’s eyes light up big and bright? We each receive love differently, so if we speak each other’s language we’ll get farther faster.

Marcello and I were introduced to Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” as part of our premarital counseling. We will be married 10 years this summer and this concept has proved invaluable to our marriage, and as we are now finding, also in our parenting.

I am such a believer in loving people the way they receive love that I end up talking about it in everyday conversation to friends, other moms during small talk, even the kids’ swim teacher. I’m always surprised by how many people have never heard of it.

I planned to do a blog post about it in honor of Valentine’s Day and, ironically, I don’t think there’s ever been a better time for my family to revisit Gary’s studies. The past few weeks I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety and my kids are doing their best to trample on any live nerves I have left. One will not stop talking ever. One has an extra-strong whining game. And one is just into everything and breaking my back.

Last year I wrote a post about the week I changed the way I parent. I would say that all of those things still work for us, the biggest take away being sticking to our guns. In other words, no bajillion warnings or not following through. I need to say what I mean and do what I say. Now that the boys are getting older, the love languages build on those foundations.

Now Luca is almost six and Adriano is four and a half. Gary, who also wrote “The Five Love Languages of Children,” says this about the age when a predominate love language begins to emerge. Of course every child needs love from each of these categories, but one will overflow their love tank compared to the others.

Three things will last forever — faith, hope, and love — and the greatest of these is love.”
— 1 Corinthians 13:13

These are the five categories:

Words of affirmation

“This language uses words to affirm other people.” Encouraging, kind words build up this person. They respond to compliments, appreciation and encouraging words.

Some sample ideas:

  • “You look so handsome today.”
  • “I truly appreciate you taking the time to make this delicious dinner.”
  • “You’re so good at your job. It’s not easy to manage all this.”

Acts of service

“For these people, actions speak louder than words.” Babble won’t get you far with these folks, but doing something for them makes their heart swell.

Some sample ideas:

  • Do a chore he or she typically does.
  • Make a special dinner of his or her favorite food.
  • Think of something they do every day and have it ready for them before they can do it.

Receiving gifts

“For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift.” The gift doesn’t have to be extravagant or fancy, but thoughtful and meaningful. The sentiment here is “You thought of me!”

Some sample ideas:

  • Pick wild flowers to give or find a heart-shaped rock.
  • Make something with your hands: paint, whittle, sculpt, draw …
  • Buy a small souvenir to bring back, even if just from the next town over.

Quality time

“This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.” Turn off the TV, put down the phone and get rid of distractions. These people are all about spending time together with quality conversation.

Some sample ideas:

  • Sit on the couch with the TV off and talk about the day.
  • Go for a walk and chat together.
  • Go out to eat just the two of you.

Physical touch

“To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.” These people crave physical contact — even something as simple as a pat on the shoulder, a kiss on the cheek or tousling their hair. Kids even fulfill this need by wrestling! (Gary notes that older kids also still need physical touch, and that boys and girls should be treated the same in this regard. In other words, don’t withhold contact from boys and give more to girls because of their gender.)

Some sample ideas:

  • Sit on the couch close together watching a movie.
  • Give big hugs and kiss when arriving or leaving.
  • Hold hands or offer your spouse a back rub.

I should note also that if used in the opposite way, love languages can be damaging. For example, hurtful things said a words of affirmation person will cut deep. Slapping a physical touch person will wound their heart.

As I mentioned before, Marcello and I are very conscious of one another’s love languages. Mine is quality time — probably the most annoying of all the languages, of course. I value spending time together and talking. When he’s not able to give me this time, I tend to withdrawal, become sarcastic and cold. Sounds like a dream, right? So basically I’m mad at him for not spending time with me, but I’m acting like a jerk. So why would he want to spend time with me exactly? I know. I even annoy myself.

Marcello’s love language is acts of service. One time I said, “So let me get this straight. If I do the laundry you feel loved?” To which he answered yes. And I still don’t get it, but I’m grateful I know because I would never have come up with this correlation on my own. Your shirts are washed, feel the love.

In fact, he is always doing thoughtful things for me. Sometimes makes coffee and sets out a mug and spoon for me. Or picks cuts a rose and puts it on my desk. Or even when he gets the oil changed in my car, he’s showing me he loves me. Because that’s his love language. As a quality time gal, I think all these things are very sweet, but I’d still rather have a chat on couch or go for a walk together. You see what I mean?

You might be speaking to your spouse in your love language, not his, and be missing an opportunity. Gary says most people don’t marry someone of the same love language, so chances are you will have to learn how to best love your spouse. And just in case you’re curious, love languages tend to stay the same for a lifetime.

Now we are trying to apply these same principles to our kids so they feel unconditionally loved, which also coincides with behavior improvements. It’s very obvious that Luca is just as obnoxious as I am about his quality time. He needs engagement, eye contact, conversation. Otherwise, he says “you don’t care” and sulks off (not unlike myself). And if that is not effective, he just keeps talking and asking questions, determined to get the time together. When Marcello and I invest even a solid 20 minutes there is a clear change in his attitude. His love tank is filled up!

I used to think Adriano was physical touch, but now I realize that he was just very young and needed all of the love languages equally. He still gets lots of physical touch from us, but what really makes his heart sing is words of affirmation. Giving praise to that boy brings a sweet, joy-filled smile across his face as he looks humbly downward, soaking it all in. When this need is not met, let the whining begin.

The book doesn’t go into much detail about having a secondary love language, but I have noticed that Luca has a dominant (quality time) and another that comes underneath that (physical touch). If I have only 15 minutes to spend with him, I am trying to engage in conversation with direct eye contact and make sure to rub his shoulder or mess with his hair. It’s too soon to tell with Adriano, at four, what his secondary language will be. And Clara just needs all of them, all the time, all day long.

If you’d like to learn what your love languages are, you can take Gary Chapman’s quiz here.

The love languages have been indispensable to my marriage and I’m eager to continue seeing how they apply to my children. Because I have to be honest, in these early years I do not see much fruit from my labor, but I know it is not in vain. I’m laying a foundation for these kids and it’s hard work!

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” — 1 Corinthians 15:58

How about you? Have you ever heard of the five love languages? What is your love language or your spouse’s? Do your kids show signs of one of these yet?

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Making a bedroom a playroom

Clara’s favorite place at our local children’s museum is the play house. It has a kitchen, table, high chair, ironing board, food. She could play there for an hour, but her brothers never let her. So I thought I would try to recreate that space in her room with things we already had. And she loves it! (Actually so do the boys!)

I didn’t buy anything new, I mostly just rearranged her room. No, actually that’s not true. I bought that cute little high chair because I knew she’d love it! And the flowers, placemats, towel and pot holder from the Dollar Tree.

Anyway, I moved the play kitchen into her room, took the Ikea bookshelf we had standing in the corner and put it on it’s side to act as a divider, and added in two old (mostly dilapidated) LACK tables for a counter. You can see how her room was before here.

I was so excited to turn her nursery into something more functional for her. She has played in it every day since I put it together a few weeks ago — and the boys like to play restaurant too. They serve up some interesting combinations.

When the chef hat doesn’t fit, you improvise. Funny little girl.

Do you have any playroom tricks up your sleeve? What do your kids play with the most?

Best of the blog 2016

Every year, by God’s grace, I am learning to be a better writer, designer, photographer. Looking back on my posts this year, I also see how much room I have to grow and explore. I’m excited for the challenge in the coming year! These are the most-read House Mix posts of 2016:

1. Feeding a family on a tight budget

I’ve been experimenting, studying and learning how to lower our grocery budget and it’s working! My monthly budget is at least $200 less than I was spending two years ago, and even with one more kid, our pantry is fuller and we eat healthier.

 

2. DIY ruler growth chart

Get instructions for how I made this kids’ growth chart with my home printer and minimal supplies in under two hours.

3. How to make a succulent centerpiece

Here is how to build a succulent centerpiece that will last for months. Ours is now a year old! These naturally water-retaining plants do not like too much water, so drainage is very important. Get the step-by-step instructions.

 

4. Clean house schedule and playlist

The key for my cleaning motivation (besides a cup of joe) is a good playlist. My latest one’s got the whole family shaking their derrieres. Now the boys say they need some tunes to help them pick up the play room! I promise you’ll like it. This post also has a cleaning schedule ideas and printables. Let’s do it!

 

5. On going from two kids to three

And all of this changing is only intensifying as the baby of the family gets older. She’s napping less, eating more and demanding more of my time. The craziness of three little ones is just now sinking in, 10 months later. Here are the main practical ways I have adjusted going from two to three kids.

 

6. The week I changed the way I parent

The boys are three and five years old. I have shown them love with my whole heart during their short time on this earth, but I’ve also let them rule my emotions. I have let them get the better of my temper, lost control, yelled and acted like a child myself more times than I can count. But something has changed.

 

7. Kids chore chart to earn money

My five year old is starting to learn the value of a dollar. Ok, he doesn’t realize the value, but he has figured out that it can buy him things! I’ve known this time was coming and my wheels have been turning on how to allow him to earn money, but stay clear that some chores we do just because we are a member of the family. Printable chart included.

 

8. Our Christmas budget

Not every Christmas is the same. Some years cost less, some cost more. This year ours costs less and we plan on giving more. We’ve decided to budget Christmas expenses at $325 for this family of five. This includes decor, kids’ crafts, presents, cards, wrapping supplies, everything except the kids’ Christmas pajamas (which I bought on sale last month). Here’s how we did it.

 

9. Stenciled nursery with pom pom canopy

Clara’s room got a makeover! I added a playful stencil on the back wall and a dreamy white pom pom canopy, along with some other details. It changed the look completely.

 

10. Navy blue bedroom and home office

I finally figured out what to put in these gold frames in the guest bedroom/office and I’m calling it done! I put this room together on the very cheap with some hand-me-down furniture, spray paint and art from my own printer.

* * *

When I looked up the Top Ten, I was surprised some of these made the list. I’m also surprised when posts I wrote a year or more ago suddenly pick up popularity. Most of my traffic is driven by Pinterest, so sometimes I’ll see an influx readers for a random post I thought was dead in the water.

These are older House Mix posts just now making some popularity on Pinterest:

  1. Third trimester checklist (31.4K pins)
  2. Pom-pom curtains and curtain tricks you might not know (5.6K pins)
  3. Healthy pregnancy snacks (2.2K pins)
  4. How to make baby food in 45 minutes a week and save 50 percent (2.1K pins)
  5. Potty training 101 (1K pins)

My highest pinned article ever is how I simplified and organized my house with 175K pins. It’s still one of my most read articles today. I’m not sure I’ll ever top that one, but I’ll sure try!

Sometimes blogging can feel like writing to the wind. I LOVE to hear from you! Whether you have an idea, suggestion, or story you’d like to share, please leave a comment! The interaction makes it all worth it. Please connect with me on Instagram or Facebook too!

Wishing you a happy and healthy 2017! xoxo